Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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