i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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