You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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