You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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