tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
