Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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