Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
