i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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