so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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