Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
