YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
