So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
