This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
