I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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