Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize