If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
