hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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