My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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