jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A+ Viking dick
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
