i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
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