i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
