dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
