Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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