If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
