so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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