do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
