I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
