Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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