Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
