If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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