...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Green mimosas i think yes
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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