she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
