Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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