i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
