Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
