We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
