And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
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Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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