God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
