My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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