Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
