i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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