Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
