I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
