One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
