69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
