you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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