drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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