literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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