I hate your face
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
