Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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