Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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