i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
