just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow