Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
