I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
