Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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