Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
thus making me awesome and them whores
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
