We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
