Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
