i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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