my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my phone needs a breathalizer
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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