You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
