My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
